Results of parent alienation

When a parent alienates their child from the other rightful parent, it disrupts their moral content.  It disrupts their ability to develop their value system properly.  It disrupts their ability to come to conclusions or decisions rationally.  They are forced,.sometimes abruptly ,to choose who to go “against”. They learn that choices or decisions don’t necessarily require negotiation, or gathering of information.  The most important thing becomes not upsetting the alienating parent….because they are usually the ones who have primary custody and essentially make most of their “choices” anyway.  Keep peace…..keep it quiet.

Maybe this is what is wrong with our country….bad parenting. 

Of course, you know I have to give an example:  Jon’s kids are so brainwashed that they sincerely believe that he is useless, irresponsible, broke, and not interested in them.  Why?  Well, that is what they have been told for 20 years.  Why didn’t he fight it?  He did….but he ran out of money.  Then what?  The kids lived hundreds of miles away….and still do.  How far do you go when your kids don’t want to see you anyway?  When they have been completely cut off from his side of the family like they never existed?  He tries to keep up with his 17 year old son.  We made several attempts to see him in the past year.  The visits usually lasted about 15 minutes to and hour and a half.  He won’t come to see us….it would upset his mom too much.  He now lives with his uncle because his mom threatened to die before she allowed her son to live with his father.  That’s pretty sick.  Recently  the child put up a picture of himself (at like 3 years old) with his step dad.  His step dad is listed as his dad….because he has been told that his real dad has never been there…and so that is what they believe.  They were pretty young when the divorce happened, so it’s not exactly hard to change or influence the memories that kids have in their little heads.   So it didn’t matter that he showed up at their doorstep  for visitation to have the door slammed in his face….or that his ex wife declared his company in bankruptcy after they were divorced, forcing him into financial duress.  It didn’t matter  how many cards, or phone calls, or attempts that he made….they were still being told on a regular basis that their dad was not there, didn’t care , that he never fought for them and that he just sucked as a human…. 

And so he does….in their eyes.  And so they move into their adulthood with half the truth.  Are they going to have healthy relationships? Or are they going to repeat cycles.  Their mother was abandoned by her father…..so she repeated the cycle and recreated that with her own kids.  She has single handedly created a situation that looks just like hers.  It looks like Jon abandoned his kids like her father abandoned her.  It’s just so tragic….and abusive.  Therapy would have been a much better option.  What a horrible thing to do to your own children.

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